Alternate Crossing
by Devereauxpoi
Summary: In my world Joss Carter doesn't die. Nope. Not happening. Never. This is my version of how The Crossing should have ended. No plot-just romance. Carter and Reese. Only Careese. This is my very first fanfic.


"Detective Carter, Officer Paredes from the 101 just left a message for you. They picked up Simmons 10 minutes ago at JFK trying to board a flight to Mexico. He's been taken into Federal custody."

**l**

John was relieved when Joss informed him that Harold had paid his fine for carrying without a permit and that he was being released from police custody. It had been a long 2 days but HR had finally been brought down and he was relishing the thought that Joss was now out of danger. She walked with him out the 3rd Precinct doors and into the dark cold November air.

"Got your man locked up Carter. Must feel good. Alright where's my weapon?"

"John Doe didn't have a permit. Your gun's property of the NYPD now."

"Time I got some new hardware. Joss…if my number was up I'm just glad I was with you. No one I'd rather be with at the end."

Shoving his hands in his pockets his eyes darted down to his feet and then to the nearby dark alleyway. There was one last loose end from the past 48 hours that needed to be tied up and he began to fidget as they stood on the darkened sidewalk. Normally he brimmed with self-confidence but as he stood there facing her he felt every ounce of it sucked from his being.

"Before I go I need to talk to you Joss" he said quietly avoiding her stare.

He was scared as hell that if he looked into her eyes he might lose his nerve and change his mind. He had opened up to her so easily last night when he wasn't sure they'd make it out the morgue alive but tonight was different. Verbalizing his true feelings for her-all of them- terrified him. He was worried that he wouldn't be able to convey exactly how he felt. He was worried about what her reaction might be. To say their friendship had been strained for the last six months would be an understatement and he was fully aware of the fact that most of the fault lay squarely on him.

In the morgue he had confessed that she was the one who saved him 2 years ago and gave him a reason to live when he was convinced that there wasn't one left. He had thanked her for seeing not just another homeless man in front of her that day and for reaching out and showing him genuine kindness. But there was something else he had also been ready to reveal to her and HR's arrival had cut their conversation short. Joss hadn't just simply helped to turn his life around for the better-she had engrossed it and every single thing that he did. Every choice that he made and path that he took led back to her in one way or another. She had stripped him of his armor and all his defenses and had stolen his heart right from under his nose. He had fought so hard and for so long to suppress his feelings for her and convince himself that he wasn't worthy of her love. He had tried to push her away and keep his distance but he had failed miserably; he was drawn to her like a magnet. For two years they had played the game of 'whatever this is' and it was time to finally admit defeat-he loved this woman more than anything in the world and desperately wanted to be with her.

John gently took her hand and pulled her into the shadows of the alley. The calm and cool ex-CIA hitman could face down any type of assassin or deadly threat but this-laying his heart out on the table-absolutely terrified him. He took a deep breath drawing in the cool night air and willed his racing heart to slow. He didn't want to mess this up. John had gone over this moment so many times in his head while sitting in the holding cell and had weighed all the possible outcomes. He was convinced that Joss felt something towards him-that he was certain of-but a relationship with him would be far from conventional and that's exactly what Joss Carter was.

A car passed by and the lights briefly lit her face. Beautiful Joss. His Joss. Although she didn't know it yet he had been hers since the moment their eyes first met. The fall air whipped her long dark hair around her face framing it. Her huge brown eyes looked up at him like darkened pools and shined in the light with a faint hint of tears. She smiled at him warmly but with a hint of anticipation.

"Joss, about what happened in the morgue…what I said last night. I need to tell you that I…"

Joss braced herself knowing well what was to come. He had been scared and thought they wouldn't make it. He had been caught up in the moment and regretted what he'd said. He hadn't meant to kiss her and wanted to take it back. She had been a fool to believe he had implied anything more. They were just friends and that's all they'd ever be. Their lives were too complicated for it to be anything else. She felt her stomach plummet and the joy of her triumph over HR just moments earlier drained from her pores.

Joss had tried to convince herself many times that she wasn't attracted to the vigilante Reese. Yes he was hot as hell and she savored their long chats and sexually charged banter but that's where it had to end-with a friendship. At least that's what she would constantly remind herself while thoughts of him consumed her as she sat at her desk and lay in bed at night. There was no way that she-a cop as straight as an arrow and with a steadfast respect for following rules-could be in love with a man who had such disregard for the law. However, her stubborn heart just wouldn't listen to her rational head and she had fallen for him hard. Even though their odd relationship had had its ups and downs her feelings for him had never wavered over the years.

"John, really, you don't have to say anything. We're all good. I promise you. I'm a soldier too remember and I know what gets said in the heat of the moment when you think your time is up. You say things that you don't really mean and I swear it's okay if you…"

John swooped in and cut Joss off before she even knew what was happening. His lips suddenly pressed against hers taking her breath away and silencing her. She had initially jumped at the surprise but quickly relaxed into him as a warmth washed over her body. It was different than the night before. There was no hesitation this time as he reached for her. His strong arm wrapped around her tiny waist pulling her close to his body as his other hand cradled her chin upwards. John's lips were as soft and warm as she remembered. The sinking feeling in Joss' stomach was instantly gone and in its place came butterflies and a burning desire in her core. He clung tightly to her as she ran one hand through the soft salt-and-pepper hair at the nape of his neck and the other up and down the white shirt on his chest. As he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gently angled her body she curled her arms up under his. His tongue traced the curve of her full upper lip making its way around to the bottom. Joss parted her lips welcoming him inside. His tongue slid through the opening and danced with hers exploring the unknown territory. They took their time tasting each other as Joss ran her tongue back and forth over his savoring the heat and smoothness of it. She then softly kissed his upper lip and moved down to suck the lower one. After a moment he slowly pulled his lips away as both hands squeezed her shoulders.

"You always have so much to say Detective. I wish I'd realized sooner how to silence you" he whispered with a grin- his warm breath close to her ear. John ran his hands through her blowing hair twirling it around his fingers playfully and rubbed the palms of his hands on her cheeks. She slipped her hands into the front of his jacket nestling in against his warm chest and gazed up at him smiling. He had left her speechless.

"What I wanted to tell you Joss is that I meant what I said last night. If it weren't for you I wouldn't be here today. You make me want to be a good person- someone that you can be proud of. I want to make sure you know that I didn't just say those things because I thought we would die. There's also more that I didn't get the chance to say."

Joss had returned not just his kiss but also his confidence. The words that had scared him moments earlier flowed freely and after 2 years of locking his feelings away John was ready to pour his heart out to her-his heart that was swelling with love.

"You are the best thing that ever happened to me Joss and I'm still not sure what I did to deserve you in my life. The CIA almost destroyed me and when I learned that Jessica was gone…I was lost and broken. I had no purpose and no reason to go on anymore but then I met you -the smart, fiery, beautiful detective that came storming into my life. Even if you were intent in throwing my ass in jail" he grinned down at her. "You just wouldn't give up on me and you saw something in me that I'd lost sight of. I'm so sorry Joss for hurting you. I pushed you away after everything that happened with Rikers, Donnelly and Kara. I shoved you as hard and as far away as I could to keep you safe. I know now that I handled it wrong but it felt right at the time. You were willing to put your life on the line for me. Your job, your son- all of it. It terrified me because I didn't deserve it and all I could think of was that I couldn't lose another person that I love. I couldn't let you get hurt because of me. The best way to keep you safe was to walk away from you but no matter how hard I tried you kept pulling me back. I know that we have a lot of rebuilding to do and a lot of things to work on but I think it's worth it. We're worth it."

Tears spilled from Joss' eyes at the surprise of his declaration. John was a man of little words and she couldn't believe what she had just heard come from his mouth. She remembered the long months without any real contact between the two of them. He had requested her assistance occasionally with cases he was working on but that was as far as it went. There had been no more breakfasts at the diner, chats in the park with Bear or surprise visits in her car. He had completely shut her out. It had been a painful, lonely and confusing time that left her questioning whether they had really made the connection at Rikers that she thought they had. Joss had even gone on a few dates with Cal Beecher in an attempt to take her mind off John but she always knew who held her heart. Over time, as her battle with HR escalated, Joss began to understand why he had shut her out and she had long ago forgiven him even though he had hurt her tremendously.

"I'm sorry too John. As much as it hurt me when you pushed me out of your life I then turned around and did the exact same thing to you. You offered to help me with HR time after time but I was too scared to get you involved in case you got hurt. It was my battle and I was determined to take care of it on my own and on my terms. I would never have forgiven myself if something had happened to you. I guess we really do have a lot in common, hmm? You exasperate and frustrate me like no one else John and there are times I want to strangle you but you also make me laugh and smile like no one ever has. You're a good man and I'm lucky to have you in my life. I've missed you a lot John and I want us to get back on track. Promise me something-both of us right now have to promise that we'll be honest with each other from now on and work together instead of going it alone. We have a lot of things to work through but I think we make a great team together."

"I promise you Joss. I will never push you away again. I want you in my life-all of it. I'm ready to share it with you."

He looked deep into her eyes wiping the tears away with his thumb and pressed his forehead to hers. "Come home with me Joss. Please…I want you close to me tonight" he whispered. She smiled and nodded without hesitating. She needed to be with him. She couldn't remember ever wanting someone so bad.

**ll**

After devouring their Chinese take-out John headed off for a much needed hot shower. He'd been wearing the same clothes for 2 days now and he couldn't wait to wash the stench of the holding cell off himself. Joss stood by the huge loft window staring out at the darkened park and the tall buildings that framed it. The city was lit with a million shining lights. She still couldn't quite believe what had happened in the last 48 hours. After what seemed like a never ending losing battle she had actually won in the end. Joss couldn't help but smile to herself realizing that she'd won 2 things that night. As satisfying as the defeat of HR was it was John that put the smile on her face. After all this time he had finally pushed them to define 'whatever this is' and she liked what it was. Sharing their true feelings with each other had felt like a weight being lifted from her chest and she could now breathe easy looking forward to their future together.

John padded barefoot over behind Joss. Now dressed in gray sweat pants and a navy blue t-shirt his hair was damp as he smiled at her reflection in the window. His two strong arms slid around her waist from behind drawing her back into his warm chest. He enveloped her while he kissed her cheek sweetly and nuzzled into the soft valley between her neck and shoulder.

"Why are you smiling?" he whispered into her ear.

"I'm just really happy John" she answered closing her eyes and savoring the scent of his cologne.

"Well I think I might know a way to make you even happier Detective."

John gently pushed her hair aside and brushed his lips lightly behind her ear and down along her neck inhaling the faint aroma of roses. Joss stretched her head to the side giving him more room to leave his trail of kisses while he gently slid his hands under the hem of her top and softly caressed her sides. The touch of his hands on her bare skin sent a shiver soaring the length of her body and she spun around in his arms. Joss slid her hands up around his neck and pulled his mouth quickly down to hers. This time his mouth crushed into hers hard before eventually softening. He ran his tongue around her lips once again before urging them open and darting inside eager to find a playmate. Joss chased his tongue with hers and then left to lick his swollen lips.

As John gently bit her lower lip he slid his hands up her back under her top tracing the curve of her spine with his fingertips. Feeling her body arch under his touch he slowly began to lift it looking at her face for permission. Nodding, she raised her arms as he slipped it up and off. His eyes lingered on the pale purple lace bra that held in her large soft breasts and he eyed her hard dark nipples beneath the fabric. Joss stepped back and peeled the t-shirt off John running her hands up and down his strong muscular chest. His chest that bore the reminders of another lifetime. She tenderly caressed all his scars and bent down to kiss the one from Snow's bullet closing her eyes momentarily as a pang of guilt hit her. John shook his head with a loving smile and drew her back up to him wrapping his arms around her shoulders and kissing her passionately once again. She could feel the hard length of him against her belly as he reached down to undo her pants. He suddenly stopped what he was doing and gently lifted her chin.

"Joss, if this is too fast just tell me. We have plenty of time."

"John, if you don't make love to me right now I swear I'm hauling your ass back down to the precinct and charging you with menacing a police officer."

A grin spread from ear to ear as he eased her trousers to the floor. He led her to the sitting area where he grabbed 2 oversized pillows from the couch and threw them down on the brown fur rug in front of the roaring fireplace. Slipping off his sweatpants he pulled her down by the hand and gently lay her back on the soft pillows. Leaning over her he kissed her long and deep while reaching around to unclasp her bra. Tossing it over his shoulder with a satisfied smirk his hands began their journey up and down through her curves. John was determined not to miss an inch as he softly caressed her all over. His lips followed close behind down her neck, over her full breasts and across her stomach to the corner of her hips. He slipped her lace panties down her thighs and they soon joined her bra on the floor. Reaching for his face Joss pulled him back up and devoured his mouth once again. As they separated for air he moved his gaze down the length of her body and marveled at how beautiful she was.

Joss hooked her thumbs under the waistband of John's boxerbriefs and tugged them down releasing him. He then gently rolled them onto their sides so they were facing each other and slid his arm under her neck. Pulling her tightly onto his shoulder she snuggled her face into his chest and draped her leg over his hip. He cradled her head with one hand and caressed her forehead and lips with the other. Cupping her cheek he kissed her lovingly. His eyes met hers as he thrust up between her legs and entered her. John held her securely to him wanting to be as close and as much a part of her as physically possible. She closed her eyes and moaned his name as he grabbed her ass to guide her. Joss tightened her leg around his hip as he began to thrust quicker and deeper. She reached up and laced her fingers through his as the crushing wave washed over her body. As John felt her tighten around him he let go and allowed himself the same release.

Joss remained wrapped in his arms as they lay on the rug recovering. He pressed his lips to her head and murmured her name into her hair.

"Hmm?"

"I just um…."

"I know John. Me too. Me too."

John pulled a blanket down from the couch and wrapped it around them as they fell asleep almost immediately.

A couple of hours later Joss awakened in the darkness and immediately felt that John wasn't next to her. Sitting up she saw him leaning against the kitchen island his back to her. She grabbed his white shirt and buttoned it halfway before padding over to him quietly. Wrapping her arms around his waist she kissed the center of his bare back and pressed her cheek against him.

"Hey you. What are you doing?"

"Hey you" he turned and smiled. "I got up for some water and I was just thinking about everything that's happened the last couple of days."

"John, tonight no thinking. Okay? We'll think tomorrow."

He picked her up at the waist and gently sat her on the counter in front of him. Standing between her thighs he gazed at her lovingly as she took his breath away. In the low light of the kitchen she seemed almost ethereal. She had rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt and it gaped open over her chest and grazed the top of her thighs. The color accentuated her beautiful dark skin and her tousled hair fell around her shoulders. He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her deeply. Gliding his hands up her thighs he grasped her hips and pulled her tightly against him. John picked her up and she wrapped her arms around his neck as he made his way over to the bed.

"We really are a good team Joss."

"Did Finch's machine tell you that, John?"

She laughed into his ear as he stopped dead in his tracks from shock.


End file.
